This week I did something with our finances that I thought I was okay to do, and it wasn’t. I was trying to help our situation, but I woke up suddenly after being asleep for an hour, aware that I had made a major mistake. I realized I REALLY messed up. I frantically tried to figure out what I could do about it. Discovering that you did something terrible in the middle of the night is not a good thing. I didn’t sleep all night.
Everyone knows that is it like to mess up–to make a mistake–do something you can’t take back. The weight of it was crushing and I felt so awful. When the sun rose, I told Casey about it and wept. Not only was I suffering, but I had to apologize for hurting him and our family. I didn’t know if my mistake could be fixed, although I certainly was going to try. Thankfully an automated email response to my message sent in the middle of the night let me know that the bank was open, and I called right away.
The second person I talked to kindly fixed MY error for me. I don’t think she could grasp through a phone conversation how grateful and thankful I felt. She didn’t know what I went through the night before and how terrified I was that we were going to be stuck in a more difficult situation because of my mistake.
Several things struck me about this experience. First, I’m always going to mess up and be in need of forgiveness. Just when I think experience has surely taught me enough by now about being more careful and patient, I make a poor choice. I’m not going to get it right all the time, even when I think I should. It’s important for me to own it.
Secondly, making mistakes can really hurt. It’s painful and heavy when we hurt ourselves and others. My mistake brought worry–a LOT of it. I couldn’t sleep or eat and felt the strong physical impact of my poor decision. It is an awful burden to carry.
Lastly, it’s incredible when we are forgiven and when things are made right. You feel free! Those burdens that take us to the point of breaking are taken away. How appropriate that on Easter weekend I get that reminder. Someone came to make things right and give His life to set us free. We don’t deserve it, but He gives us a clean slate. I’m so very thankful.
sharonbernhardt 