This morning the thoughts swirling in my mind feel like a bizarre modernist painting, splashes going in all directions from a center point- me. As I seek to grab a strand of thought, one brilliant color from the splash, I pick “change”. I think humans don’t like change, because we don’t want to accept and believe that our lives aren’t permanent. We have a hard time accepting that all things that we know and love aren’t permanent, and neither is our way of life. We are learning that in a COVID-19 world. We are learning that in the midst of increased racial tension and other societal problems. There are good things that come from a world turned upside down and inside out, but it isn’t easy or free from pain.
Last weekend my husband and I got to stay at the Eastern Oriental Hotel in Penang, which was built in 1885. One of my favorite short story authors, William Somerset Maugham, stayed there and has a room named after him. Charlie Chaplin stayed there and so did Prince Charles and Camilla (in 2017). They have incredible old black and white photos of Penang in the lobby and newspapers from 1957 encased in glass. They have a metal grate Otis elevator and an ancient rotary phone on the main desk. They have a restaurant that looks right out of colonial British times. If I closed my eyes and imagined, I could see people of the early 1900s there, having tea. In one of the cabinets they had what we could only guess to be ledgers. The leather covers were intact, but the papers were fragile. If you touched them, they would have turned to dust. Being at this place, stepping back into history at a time like this, made me sad. Sad because things change and the past is lost and all that remain are a few tattered remnants. My husband and I also discussed current tensions and anger in the backdrop of this hotel, wondering what it would have been like if colonialism had never happened. Colonialism brought great change, and we still experience the impact of it today. Then we walked outside and I felt more sadness as we experienced a quiet and still Georgetown, reeling from the effects of closed borders on its tourism trade. Nothing stays the same.
My friend left yesterday. We’ve worked together for five years. We have shared a lot and now she’s gone. It’s strange to be at school and be alone (all of my colleagues in my department have moved). I am excited about my colleague’s new adventures, but change hurts and I feel sadness and emptiness. My oldest son is going to have to move on soon. It’s time for him to spread his wings. I am also really excited for him, but that change has a whole new depth of pain attached.
Many religions address this discomfort or problem of change. If you look up “Impermanence” you will find the Buddhist viewpoint as they grapple with this issue. But it is not a concept that is just connected to an Eastern Asian religion. James 4:14 says, “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.” We can try to hold onto things tightly, but it is futile. Life IS truly about living in the moment and letting go.
sharonbernhardt 