Excuse me, while I share some thoughts while I am still thinking them through. I know that God created and formed me and gave me a certain place to be from and a family to belong to. That is what He gave me and I have to manage my life within those parameters. I do find myself very thankful for the opportunities I have had. However, after having experiencing the wider world, I can’t tell you that I don’t have some guilt too.
The first time I most poignantly remember feeling that was when our friend Pak Man was dying. He had a heart valve problem and slowly, over several weeks, his heart overworked until he died. As I watched him in his bed, struggling for breath, I thought, “Why? Why can’t he have the same access to a doctor who could manage this issue and help him?” And I struggled with the realization that I was in a position to do that personally, but because of who he was, where he was born, and what resources he had/didn’t have, that he had to face that end for his life. So, I have to think long and hard about what that means…that he was born in this place, with this background, and those were the last days that he had on this earth….which was truly already known by HIM.
Now we’re in another spot, and it is a terrible spot. Our friend had his tonsils removed last week. He was an otherwise healthy man who is younger than us. He is married and has a young son. He is currently fighting for his life as he has been haemorrhaging post-surgery. The situation is not good. Bleeding post-op is the most frequent complication from having tonsils removed, but it is highly likely that this complication is more frequent here than in a developed country. Apparently there were trying to do a cauterization to stop the bleeding, but it is in a tough place to cauterize. He has fluid in his lungs, which is probably blood, but was diagnosed as “brachio-pneumonia”. Again, we question “why” and feel some sense of guilt as we know that in a developed country such as one we come from, these out-patient procedures don’t often put your LIFE on the line. We know health-care in the developed world isn’t perfect, BUT, is it also leaps about bounds above this place.
So that is the clincher. Who am I? Why am I “privileged” in so many senses of the word? Not all that I have to deal with is easy by any stretch of the imagination. There is suffering that my family and I must carry that is painful, but I see some benefits I have because of the development and economy of my nation. How do I live with that, when all I want to do is fume, scream at the doctors and medical institutions, and throw heavy objects at their heads? (My honesty speaking….) How does my heart find peace? I truly know that HE is the only one who can give it to me, because I can’t understand it myself.
What can I DO? One of the strong emotions that we are dealing with is helplessness. The surgery for our friend has been done. It’s over and there is no way to “take it back”. I don’t have medical training and I can’t do anything to help in that way. I have only two things that I can do–I can GIVE to try to help those in need and who need more/better care although I’m not educated enough to provide it myself. I can encourage others to give too. I can also PRAY. At this point in our friend’s life, he is totally and completely in God’s hands. Only God can step in today and stop the bleeding…and bring healing…and restore him to his family. I hope and pray that He will. God, please have mercy.
sharonbernhardt 