I wish that I could somehow paint a picture of the sneaky sadness that sometimes comes pouring into our lives—around unexpected corners. I can’t say that its arrival is surprising, but something about it still stops you short, catches your breath, and makes your heart ache painfully.
When the big kids got their chance to say goodbye to this place and experience, they were pretty joyful. They felt excited about their adventure to come and the news things they would experience. We encouraged them to say goodbye well and to say it to those most important to them. They did, but their anticipation greatly outweighed any sense of sadness felt by any of us.
Then they left. Their absence left a huge hole in the house and it was instantly and poignantly felt by the youngest. His world changed that day and he misses them so much. Most of the time he bee-bops around as usual, but then there are moments when I am stopped short as he gets quiet, contemplative, and tears fill his eyes. I ask, “What’s wrong?” And he tells me how much he misses his brothers…especially the middle one.
Today some of my students cried at school. I can’t really explain easily how it all started, but basically, when one boy started crying as he apologized to me, he started some creepy chain reaction. It hit many of them that this was their final week with me as their teacher in their regular classes and the tears started. My little boy saw that and was wondering—Why are they crying?? Then, I watched him—he’s been spending ALOT of time with us and with the other teachers over the last two weeks and has two more weeks of that. Saying goodbye to people who are loving on him so much is not going to be easy for them, for him, or for us. I already see that sneaky sadness coming a mile away.
There are many things we are looking forward to as our next chapter opens. There are many things we want to leave behind here. For those reasons, we are counting the days. But, as much as we seek this end, it won’t be easy. We know that deep sadness lies around the corner. I know it’s good. I know it means we love well and intensely and are loved in return—but it doesn’t really offer any type of salve. For after all, “Life is pain your majesty and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”
sharonbernhardt 