I love my husband to the moon. He has some incredible strengths and I have come to appreciate them very much. He also has some weaknesses, because after all, who does not? One of his weaknesses which I am learning to overcome is his struggle to give gifts. I have received some amazing gifts and surprises from him after 20 years together, but I have realized that he had a little help with those—and that is really okay. I understand that his love for me is not shown by what he does or does not get for me. Although he knows me better than anyone else, he is not wired for gift-giving and gets stumped and frustrated trying to choose something for me. It causes a lot of stress. Although some might argue that feeling some stress for the love of your spouse is okay, I can see how it often ends in disappointment for both of us. Gift-giving is one way to express love and I really appreciate it when and if it happens, but I am seeing that is definitely not all there is. I have let myself feel disappointed in the past when my birthday is just like another day of the week or there is nothing under the tree with my name on it, but I feel I am finally learning new things about our relationship and expressing love.
In America we treat the birthday person–it is time to do something nice for them. We surprise them or do something for them in celebration. In Indonesia the birthday person is the one who does the treating. That is their cultural practice. I gave that some thought this year as I was turning forty. I knew that what I really wanted to do was spend time with the people I love. I have some amazing friends. I realized that planning something myself would not look bad here, but in fact would be expected. So, I invited one group of ladies to lunch in the city I live in now and then I had a meal this weekend with friends I have known much longer. At dinner this weekend one friend said, “You sure have a diverse group of friends!” It was true…as I looked around the table I saw young children, senior citizens, foreigners, Indonesians, Muslims, Christians, singles, married couples, families. This was true at lunch too as I spent time with friends from the U.S., Japan, Hong Kong and places throughout Indonesia. I thought to myself that I guess that describes me–as a TCK, I’m a diverse person who loves people and who has had a rich and blessed life.
So, as I am dragged kicking and screaming into my 40s :), I must confess that I have received the best gift. I have given and have been given love from truly amazing people. Daily they bless my life because they are my friends and family. Those incredible relationships are the best gifts I have been given after the saving grace of my Lord. I am so very thankful.
sharonbernhardt 