My Daddy

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

It has been an interesting month for me, spending time with my Dad.  His health has deteriorated a lot in the last two years.  He doesn’t communicate much and sleeps a lot.  However, he does have some moments of lucidity when he says some sweet and funny things.  Since I have been here I have seen some times when his eyes twinkle (with a memory of something naughty he once did) and I have heard him laugh once or twice and I have truly cherished that. 

When I first got here and began spending time with him, I felt pretty angry.  I was mad yet again that this disease is in my family and is taking my father.  I am losing him bit by bit and I was so angry because he was born with this and he did nothing to bring this upon himself.  I can’t say that I am not still angry, but I have seen some things that have made me feel a little better about what is happening to him. 

One of the weaknesses my Dad identified in himself in the past was dishonesty.  As this disease ravages his brain, he is nothing but honest.  He has said what he truly thinks and feels without any filter.  Sometimes it is not pleasant to hear.  Sometimes it is pretty funny.  But, something that he struggled with when he was “himself” has been stripped away.  Something good has come out of that.  That may be all I can find right now, but I am thankful to see something—to grab onto that and be thankful.

I am also thankful for the promise in the above verses although his body is failing now, he will be renewed once more.  That is hopeful for me and makes me rejoice, even as he fails. I know that this is not how it will finish. 

As I left his nursing home today after feeding him, I realized that I am really dreading the time when we have to leave.  It is not going to be an easy goodbye.  Dad will make is “sad face” and move on.  It will be more challenging for Mom as she loses an extra set of hands to help her in the care-giving process.  But, I know that we need to go.  I also know that God will take care of my parents.   And I can express great thankfulness that He has given us time to help my Dad.  I am so thankful for these days.  I am praying that God will provide the way for me to come again in the coming year.