Renewed

I know so many people recently who have lost loved ones.  Colleagues are dealing with the frailty of their aging parents while some of my students have lost their grandparents.  Other friends are battling aggressive diseases.  I feel a sense of empathy for them but then I have also been thinking about how often we fight death.  It’s something we are running from or trying to protect others from.  I am not saying I want my life to end right now or anything like that, but I do feel that sometimes we are scared of facing it…even though it a path we all have to take. 

I thought about when I lost my friend in Indonesia.  I remember crying in bed the night that she died, feeling a deep loss.  Then God gave me a vision of her.  She had been paralyzed the entire time I had known her.  I never saw her with a whole body.  That night, as sadness pierced my heart, God brought joy and comfort as I saw her dancing and laughing with her husband (who had also recently passed).  It was such a sweet picture and I remember falling asleep, treasuring that morsel. 

I thought about that today in regards to my Dad.  We continue to lose him, day by day, to a horrible disease.  He is still here–and we get rare glimpse of who he used to be—but as he has changed so much over the past 10 years, there has been continual loss.  I am not saying I want to lose my father.  I’m going through “losing him” each and every day really…but, what struck me today was thinking of my Dad when I was a young girl.  My Dad back then was someone completely different.  He was confident, daring, funny, silly–and maybe even sometimes seemed a little arrogant? 🙂 I loved his personality back then. I find myself struck by the thought, that one day, after we have both passed from this life—I really believe that we’ll be together again and we’ll be completely whole…physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  And, I find myself really excited about that prospect. I have concentrated enough on the “why” and wishing this didn’t plague the people I know and care about. It is somewhat hard to wrap my mind around, but I feel real joy knowing that he will be restored and this suffering will not be the end for him.