Today I went a funeral. I did not know the deceased. I went for my friend, who is in prison. He used to go to church with us and was in youth group with my brother. He is serving a twenty-five year sentence for armed robbery. I don’t think I can really explain the in’s and out’s of his family, except the gentleman who was laid to rest today was his biological father who he has only recently restored his relationship with. Apparently this man had four sons, all of who attended our church when I was in high school. They came with a different “father”, the man who raised them (who has also died). Two of these four sons are in prison. One of the sons is having serious financial issues and has a really tough life right now. The other son is in the military.
The deceased gave his life to Christ in the last several years and began to try to patch things up with his sons. My friend in prison felt encouraged by the visits he had with his biological father and was hoping he could get released early to spend some time with him before he died. That didn’t happen.
I went to the funeral for my friend who could not attend. I felt a little awkward. No one knew me, except one of the other brothers. I took a few pictures for my friend, but did that with some reticence—being uncertain of how that would be received.
I do have to say that as the funeral finished, I found myself in tears…especially when the two brothers “said goodbye” to their father. My friend in prison won’t be able to do that because of the choices he made. That made me really sad. He has sacrificed a lot with his choices, and I truly believe he feels that now with the loss of his biological father and the previous loss of the man who raised him.
I told the youngest brother that I was proud of him. He is in the military and has seemed to have had greater success at this thing called life. I gave his oldest brother big long hugs and told him I am praying for him. Then I just cried on my way home (and gave my Mom a call so I could vent).
I feel so sad for these young men. They’ve had an absent father who just recently “came back”. They’ve had to go it alone, and it hasn’t gone well for many of them. I feel angry at him because he didn’t step up when he needed to. He didn’t give them the support they desperately needed. I felt angry too when I heard an aunt speak. I found out today that they have 7 aunts (and their families) and 2 uncles. One aunt said, “We love you boys and we’re here for you.” I wanted to stand up and yell, “Well, DO IT then!” (That would have been so wrong!) I can’t judge them, their circumstances, or their ability to support their family—but there is the kicker. These young men are their FAMILY. There was a lot of talk of the importance of family in this funeral, and it just crushed my heart. I desperately want them to be there for their family.
This hits home for me because there is someone who is being family to these young men who was NEVER assigned that task. I truly believe that God’s reward for this woman is going to be incredible. I’ve seen her love and sacrifice for them in a way that NO ONE else has. I don’t know how she met their family long ago and got connected with bringing them to church, but she has stayed with them through thick and thin. If I want to know how anyone in the family is doing or the latest information, she knows. She has written letters, called judges, offered rides, sacrificed financially–and I am sure I don’t even know the half of it. I give thanks to God for her ministry to this family and to these young men. Their situation is not worse because of her.
But, I want their family to step up–to step in—to let these young men know they are important, that they are loved, that they are cared for. Every time I visit my friend in prison I am struck by how intelligent he is, how he has potential and how he has possibility. I want his family to see that too.
I wept today. I wept for my friend, I wept for his brothers and I wept for his half-sisters. I wept for all the young children, growing up without a dad or a mom or growing up with the influences of evil and destruction. I weep and give thanks for those who are stepping up to make a difference.
sharonbernhardt 